This is the ANTI-CHOMPER MANIFESTO.

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people at concerts?

We, the listeners, the tapers, the rail-riders, the seekers of transcendence through live sound, do hereby declare a state of cultural emergency.

A disease has spread among us.

It is not new, but it has metastasized in the modern age—fueled by distraction, entitlement, and the inability to exist without narrating one’s own existence.

This disease is known as:

CHOMPERISM

I. Definition

A Chomper is any individual who attends a live musical performance and proceeds to:

• Engage in sustained, non-essential conversation
• Compete with the artist for auditory dominance
• Treat the venue as a private living room
• Ignore the sacred contract between performer and audience

Chomping is not a moment.
It is not a whisper.
It is not a “yo this song rules.”

Chomping is ongoing, oblivious, full-volume discourse in the presence of music.

II. The Damage

Let it be known:

• A single Chomper can infiltrate a pristine recording
• A cluster of Chompers can dismantle an entire sonic experience
• A well-placed anecdote about mortgages can override a guitar solo

For the taper, this is not annoyance.

This is irreversible historical vandalism.

A moment that will never exist again—
now permanently archived with:

"...and then my boss said—HAHAHA—no seriously—"

III. The Modern Condition

• Silence is feared
• Attention is fractured
• Every space is treated as content
• Every moment must be commented on

The concert, once a site of collective immersion,
has been rebranded as:

“Background noise for social interaction.”

This is unacceptable.

IV. The Code of Conduct

1. If the band is playing, you are not the main character
2. If you must speak, keep it brief, quiet, and rare
3. If your story requires more than 10 seconds, it can wait
4. If you ignore these rules, you are a Chomper

And if you are a Chomper, know this:

We see you.
We hear you.
We wish we did not.

V. On Intervention

• The Glance
• The Polite Request
• The Direct Statement
• The Tactical Relocation
• The Existential Sigh

To defend the listening experience is not aggression.
It is preservation.

VI. A Final Warning

You paid for the ticket.
So did we.

But only one of us came to listen.

If you wish to converse endlessly, there exist:

• Bars
• Sidewalks
• Group chats
• Literally anywhere else

The concert is not one of them.

VII. Conclusion

We do not ask for silence.

We ask for respect.

Respect for the artist.
Respect for the audience.
Respect for the moment that will never happen again.

And above all—

Respect for the recording.

Final Statement

END OF TRANSMISSION

(please shut the fuck up)

Anti-Chomper Manifesto Organization (ACMO)
Established to preserve sonic integrity worldwide.